Amanda McGovern

if our eyes could really see…

we might not need our hearts

if our hearts could really feel

our soul wouldn’t hurt.

Without pain there is no loss

Forgetting loss is Love

Kindness returns like emptyness

that feels full.

 

An impromptu poem, by Chris McGovern ‘02

Relationships-
Where is the line between you and me and is there only one line? Is it in fact a box or a bubble that you live in? It seems there are certain ways to enter and certain ways to be exited and it all seems to be in a web of emotions, intelligence, psychology and soul.
Is an intimate relationship -sharing your relationship with yourself with another-?   How do you define relationship with another? What is it that we are striving for? Is it merely co-existing, is it satisfying needs and desires, or is it mostly commitment?

I started thinking that there are different levels on or in which couples or two people connect.  how many, I don’t know. It probably has to be more than one to keep two people together. But what are the most important levels and is each actually able to be clear with that and where and how they want to connect.
Some levels I have come up with:

Communication- specifically talking, listening and being able to understand one another and feel satisfied after talking and better about yourself.

Physical- (unfortunately just now I am sad that I am over analyzing and I miss being blinded by love. Youthful love is probably blindness like that U2 song. Mature love must be loving and accepting while seeing clearly.)  Anyhow I still want to continue this discussion. Physical connection is feeling the other is touching them the right way, being able to feel their intentions behind the touch and feel that it is about love and not about having a sex object. Then there is the visual aspect as well. This includes how someone looks at the other and how that affects them, or using eyes to communicate. Liking the look of your partner’s body and facial features. But most of all it is just a natural connection that is passionate. Very simple and can’t be made up.

Spiritual- Hearing through the air when the other is dancing. Being lifted higher when the other is practicing their love, knowing when someone is out there thinking of you even if it is delayed… you can hear it and you think you might have crossed their mind too. Inspired randomly to contact someone because something reminded you of them. A deeper level than emotional or connected to emotional if you are that kind of person.

Emotional-  Feeling extreme empathy or sympathy for another. Wanting to help them however you can. Feel like you want to take care of them even if they don’t ask for it. Connection through some strong experience of pain. Like one hurt heart meets another. (A match made in hell .

Expression- Two people have a desire to express something similar. They want to share it with the world. They are very passionate about it. Or one likes how the other expresses his or her self and strives to be similar. Being in an open state of mind.

Work- Meeting at work or having compatible jobs. A way to connect through gossip or dropping eaves. Two people want to work together to create a business. Or on another plane, dance communities can be very strong because there is a lot of understanding and mutual working conditions and paths crossed over and over. It is always about puzzle pieces falling in place from past connections.

Play- meeting at a bar or nightclub.  Being into a scene that someone else is. Could be a lot of fun to become popular in a scene or have had your eye on someone for awhile merely because you hang at the same spots.

So, it seems my point is to decide where i want to connect with someone intimately to bring about my happiness. And make sure that it is mutual. Or at least open it up for discussion to really take an honest look at what is going on and why there are problems in relationships.

I invite more levels of connection to be posted here. Thanks!

I wonder how many people live as if there will be tomorrow and how many live as if there may not.

I think this can directly affect how people communicate.

Because of life experiences, I cannot ignore the fact that I have no idea how long I will live. Not to be dramatic but if I did not consider it, I would be ignorant. With that view, I seem to be honed in to many missed opportunities. Mainly missed opportunities of spending time with loved ones. Unfortunately, I tend to be critical towards others or myself, or I take it personally and jump to conclusions. Its strange because there has to be a balance between spontaneity and planning, between going with the flow and making a goal, between creating, giving and receiving energy- life energy that comes from excitement about what one is doing and the desire to share it. Balance between patience and not waiting for something to happen. I am a feeling based person so I am very affected emotionally when the balance seems off.

It turns out that I am also a hypocrite because I sacrifice time with loved ones to dance. So I am missing many opportunities of hanging out. However, I am spending time with other dancers who understand my passion and lift me up. And dance gives me the feeling that I could die happy, that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, which is basically helping to raise the spirit of humanity- on a small level of course.

I am studying the part of the nurse in Romeo and Juliet. Can I connect with her? Am I mature enough to know what true love is when I see it? Do I know the beauty of youth with the wisdom of my sight? Do I care for that young woman, not as my own daughter but as a caretaker, companion and friend? Providing support and boasting with love for only her, I feel jolly, round and bigger than myself. I am aware of each character and how they relate to Juliet. I experience different emotions when relating to each member of her family. I am really not strong emotionally, but I pretend so that everyone may feel comforted by my empathy.

Well, that was a dive into my interpretation of what a nurse might be. Watching old movies present nurses to put up with many difficult personalities, yet they never budge and have great attachment with the one who is their responsibility. So why are they always quirky?!! and goofy. What do they think of their own personal life and experiences? What have they been through and what are they sacrificing?

Anyone have feedback for me?  I think it may be a fun conversation.

Hello to whomever decides to stop by!

I am still pondering what this site will entail, but for now it will be about introspection.

By the way, if you have not ever blasted your music and danced in the shower, I suggest you try it.

Unfortunately and fortunately, my life experience includes a lot of loss. Some out of my control and possibly some within. At this time I am recognizing that either I have put off grieving or I don’t know if I have allowed myself to fully grieve. How do you know if you have grieved properly and completely? How do you let go of your mother?

Well, I am certainly not alone in my losses and that helps me to not be so selfish but I find that expression is healthy and necessary. It is very difficult when the pain is too hard to face, but eventually it has to be faced. I do feel I am in an important transition into adulthood at 32 years old, something does seem to be changing in me. I feel the urge to resist but then my back goes out. Hehe. Actually my body tells me important things and when I have ignored signs before, I have done something that was really unnecessary and not that great. So, blessings and curses.

Back to the website here, a while ago my brother Ian and I began designing a site together playing with a picture of me in a dance pose. I wanted to share poetry on that site but it never came to a close. Now, Ian created this site for my birthday this year. It is a very sweet and thoughtful present. And it is great, because I don’t bring my ideas to fruition without a little help. It is just how I am.

So here we are and I invite anyone to write thought provoking thoughts or bits of Poetreee….