Jan 27
Jan 27
crossed legs/crossed arms
Rest until there is no feeling of the limbs
sitting in a bag/hazy sense of pretzel energy
Tired of being Tired
running home to an empty garage
to be lonely and comforted by aloneness
a sense of hiding in the cold/afraid of warmth
cautious of happiness
genuinely disingenuous
the taking in of uppers and the taking in of downers
in to go up and down at the same time
sliding along the outside of heart/ just passing by
Jan 17
My latest show brought about a new character in my repertoire.
How do I apply this experience to the deep thoughts of this site I created?
Well the best I can do is to compare it to the idea of emptiness as old scriptures talk. I had a previous dance instructor/workshop director try to pull emptiness out of us. That is pretty hard. I must say that pretending I am dead or rising from the dead helped though. 
Black holes for my eyes, skeleton without a soul, body movements with my heart and soul in it displaying an evil lack of warmth.
I guess I take pride in whatever I do because it is on my path of human growth and potential.
Its quite fun to be a zombie, dead and hungry. Its simple, its all about taking pleasure on the account of another.
Dec 30
Is it only our own ego?
Just thinking after watching “No Country for Old Men”.
What is stronger than death?
Hopefully I do not know that answer yet.
Nov 29
Is it possible to experience a loss before it comes?
It sure doesnt feel like I am making it up, and I feel bad for beginning to prepare but I am just scared, scared of how it will change me, scared i cant handle anymore.
It hurts so much to love someone but I do believe that is what life is about. Basically just coming to terms with love. Why is the English language so limited on this word. Sanskrit has over 100 words that mean love.
Nov 11
That is the key to loving relationships. How long have I been spending fighting that? so long that i am so tired. Anyways, all feels good now.
Nov 08
Today I will close my eyes and let the wind blow the rainy mist against my face.
Nov 01
Why is the rain romantic? Can I compare it to love with some sort of justice here…
It is uncontrollable, but if you have the proper rain gutters you can funnel it so as to stop a flood.
It comes and goes but it is always there in the clouds.
If a man showed up at my doorstep right now soaking wet in a trench coat with wilted flowers, I might fall in love.
Rain is romantic when you are indoors, sheltered quiet and listening.
It is exciting because it takes over your sky.
Rain is gentle and harsh.
I dream a lot. Well not too much, but sometimes those dreams really affect me. Sometimes I look to my dreams for answers, answers to my feelings or which path to follow in life. I am not sure why I take them so seriously, I wish that I did not a lot of the time. But then there has been a few that were precognitive and that is scary. If It happens once, a person probably is cautious of their dreams.
Mostly, though, I look to my dreams to see where I am at psychically- my state of mind, unrest or being. I have always liked mysteries and dreams are quite fascinating and personal.
This morning, I dreamt that I opened my door and the screen door was boarded over. So I shut the door. The next time I opened it, the screen part was open but I couldn’t bear to look at it. Whatever it was I did not see it but it was too painful to face. Now that will be my mystery today.
Oct 30
He really sees who sees
that all actions are performed
by nature alone and that the self
is not an actor. 29
I was drawn to this tonight and I find that it goes against a random impressing thought provoked by a dream I had at one time. I came up with this phrase, “he is an actor in the truest sense.”
What does that mean? I was fascinated by what it could mean. Is his life under another’s power or does he have to play a role in order to show his true self?
In life, we have to play many roles or rolls. At some point we have to accept they are never who we really are. Its like the joy found in conquering a difficult artform. Its all about where can I find the freedom within. Why do we search without for freedom? why do we race so far to avoid our true state? what is my true state?
I have learned acting to be a character or role where you can allow yourself to shine through.
When he perceives the unity
existing in separate creatures
and how they expand from unity,
he attains the infinite spirit. 30
With acting, there is always a bit of yourself in the character. If we turn that around each character has yourself in it. There is the unity.
We are simply living in nature.
Oct 28
I had a beautiful dream last night (it wasn’t really last night but),
we left each other and I was floating next to spirits, happy losing myself in the cloud formations
the world was calling to me
I do love you but I gotta follow my heart
she said, I want to cry with the songs of the world
I cant stay put, I gotta learn to drum, I gotta dance around the earth and share something important.
that is it, it is that simple. I have to listen.
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