Amanda McGovern

A good friend of mine, used to say something to me a lot. The wording never quite came through clearly but this is it:

There is always the worst that can happen and there is always the best that can happen when you take a risk, so be happy with an outcome that is anything in the middle. 

Sometimes I regret doing something or not doing something when I have a “great” idea or confusing feelings. But in the end, I prefer that I do something that possibly might make someone smile even if it makes me look a fool. 

Next thought here is that I should always be thankful that I have these choices and this time to experiment with risks. Because I just ran into an old friend today, younger than myself, going through something very tough. Poor guy standing there in the rain, coffee in one hand, cigarette in the other just trying to get himself around the corner and into work. Something is wrong with his blood clotting. And of course the medication he needs to take makes him feel like shit. How tough is it to face when the very thing you need to do to stay alive makes your mood and body feel so bad, when it is that pill that makes you unhappy more so than the disease. What do you do?

Excerpts from Shambhala, The Sacred Path of the Warrior

Came across these impacting lines today.

“In that journey through life, human beings must overcome the neurotic attachment of being the child-of-somebody.”

NOWNESS

“We need to find the link between our traditions and our present experience of life. Nowness, or the magic of the present moment, is what joins the wisdom of the past with the present.”

I look to my dreams for meaning. I am not sure where dreams come from but I hope it is a source of knowledge from within. Obviously, everyone makes their own interpretations of their own dreams, so that can be infused with whatever they are looking for, wanting or trying to figure out. What I enjoy is intellectualizing personal matters that I need to deal with in such a way that it will help me move onto the next step in my life. I hope I am not simply satisfying my ego by spending time thinking I can unlock major mysteries. 

This site is also not intended to be a public diary per say, but rather an offer of ideas or conclusions that I brew up- with regard to my life’s experiences that have been out of my control. 

Please forgive my attempt at writing clearly because sometimes I think backwards or, in order to write, I need to reverse and rearrange my train of thought. 

With that said, I would like to share something about attraction versus survival. Sometimes they are intertwined. Possibly a person can be attracted to another because they hold a similar understanding of the world. However, if you truly believe something, facing it is another matter. It is more about what you are ready for or actually needing to cope with in your daily life. 

We have to reach out to each other because we are here together for an indefinite amount of time. 

Perspective is key. Perspective is everything. I believe people have a choice with perspective because how do great people make it when they come from so little? 

For example, I think we have a pretty cool President right now. I am not political myself, but I am part-humanist. Obama does reach out to that aspect simply because of his life experience. Of course I do not know him, but he seems to have a higher perspective than himself. 

a bob dylan song-

“she’s got everything she needs

she’s an artist, she don’t look back 

she can take the dark out of the nighttime

and paint the daylight black.

you will start out standing, proud to steal her anything she sees

but you will wind up peeking through a keyhole

down upon your knees

she never stumbles

she go no place to fall.

she’s nobodies child

the law can’t touch her at all.

she wears an egyptian red ring

it sparkles before she speaks.

she’s a hypnotist calypto 

walking antique.

bow down to her on sunday, salute her when her birthday comes

for halloween give her a trumpet, christmas buy her a drum.”

The painting below is signed by the artist on my wall. I love to contemplate the meaning:

ENJOY!

Actually a wierd after thought here:  Being means existing/alive, and Inter means place a corpse in a grave. Is this a grave existence? well I liked my interpretation better, which is something in between two people that showers them with rainbows.

what is your interpretation please?

Its about tasting sweet nectar before the tea touches your tongue.

It hits the spot as you’re going for it.

The liquid steam rolls and twirls at the top of my cup

disappears into the room

Is it possible, fate could be in the balance of my smile?

Ups and downs- that’s me. no steady rise. yet actually i do see it in part of my life. But I do look at life and my life through those two lenses and there is a different world in each. 

In the world of the Relaxed Heart Smile, everything flows alright. I want to write poetry, I am inspired and ready to fall into something beautiful. But it comes and goes during the day.

In the world of the Frown, I live in a world of adrenaline, excitement and depression. Bad memory and bad habits. If my place is not a mess, then I am left to see the mess in myself.

(by diablata)

To produce an ongoing narrative. I am now becoming aware that I am a blogger. 

I like to write when the heat hits my fingertips. I like the live, in-the-moment, types of thoughts. 

I would rather create and share now than write a book after the fact and struggle.

I listen to the radio because its live and local. 

I want to share what little knowledge I have because life is short and I have too much to figure out and…

especially.. figure out why I have to figure it out.

Maybe show that its normal. Personal struggles are real.