Amanda McGovern

Is it possible to experience a loss before it comes?

It sure doesnt feel like I am making it up, and I feel bad for beginning to prepare but I am just scared, scared of how it will change me, scared i cant handle anymore. 

It hurts so much to love someone but I do believe that is what life is about. Basically just coming to terms with love. Why is the English language so limited on this word. Sanskrit has over 100 words that mean love. 

That is the key to loving relationships. How long have I been spending fighting that? so long that i am so tired. Anyways, all feels good now.

Today I will close my eyes and let the wind blow the rainy mist against my face.

Why is the rain romantic? Can I compare it to love with some sort of justice here…

It is uncontrollable, but if you have the proper rain gutters you can funnel it so as to stop a flood.

It comes and goes but it is always there in the clouds.

If a man showed up at my doorstep right now soaking wet in a trench coat with wilted flowers, I might fall in love. 

Rain is romantic when you are indoors, sheltered quiet and listening. 

It is exciting because it takes over your sky.

Rain is gentle and harsh.

I dream a lot. Well not too much, but sometimes those dreams really affect me. Sometimes I look to my dreams for answers, answers to my feelings or which path to follow in life. I am not sure why I take them so seriously, I wish that I did not a lot of the time. But then there has been a few that were precognitive and that is scary. If It happens once, a person probably is cautious of their dreams. 

Mostly, though, I look to my dreams to see where I am at psychically- my state of mind, unrest or being. I have always liked mysteries and dreams are quite fascinating and personal.

This morning, I dreamt that I opened my door and the screen door was boarded over. So I shut the door. The next time I opened it, the screen part was open but I couldn’t bear to look at it. Whatever it was I did not see it but it was too painful to face. Now that will be my mystery today.

Marijuana in the Brain by System of a Down